I recently received a letter for a young married pen pal. She said she and her husband were given this piece of advice, "to never stop dating each other." So they have set aside Friday nights as "date night" for themselves. She asked if I had any advice to give. What advice would I give? Let's see what I learned from my first marriage, it to support and respect your spouse against anyone no matter who they are. If you can't take a stand for your spouse against others then there will always be tension, bitterness, resentment, etc. in the marriage making it toxic for everyone. What I learned from my second marriage, don't turn to a family friend for comfort during the rough times. You should turn to each other not outside the marriage. If it is so "bad" seek counseling whether it be a therapist, a support group, or even clergy. If you want your marriage to work DO NOT seek comfort in someone else. This will only cause the home to become even more broken and eventually ends leaving one to grieve all over again. My current marriage, well, I am sure we make our fair share of mistakes but we end up working them out. Neither of us have turned to someone outside the marriage for comfort. We respect each other. We support each other. We stand up for each other. We eventually compromise with each other. We make time for each other even if it is just sitting in the living room watching tv. This has worked for us for the past 12 years and 11 of it as a married couple. The marriage has outlived our previous ones so we must be doing something right. So my advice would be the following:
(1) Take time for each other
(2) Respect each other
(3) Support each other
(4) Stand for each other
(5) Learn to compromise
(6) Seek comfort with each other
(7) Love each other unconditionally
