Have you had one of those days to where no matter what you do you just feel as if you have been betrayed? Like you spent years of your life being loyal, loving, caring, available, wanted to only being treated like those years didn't matter? Yeah, so have I. I seem to be having those feelings more and more as the days, weeks, months, and years go by since our daughter left the state in a covert-like mission. I spent many hours with her as she went through feeling abandoned, unloved, dismissed, not recognized by her biological mother. She had dealt with these feelings for 10 years with just her dad to depend on. Sure she had aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. but none of them gave her what she needed the most a mother's love.
When I first met Tracy and Whitney, I had already been married and divorced twice. I had two wonderful kids of my own, one of which I lost as an infant to Spinal Muscular Atrophy. I could have told Tracy no to meeting up because I wasn't interested in being a mother to someone else's child. I decided to take a leap and meet them both. When I did meet them I felt an instant connection with Whitney as if God intended for us to meet to help each other heal in the best way we could. Her allowing me to share my love and experiences as a mother and me enabling her to be the best person and young lady she could be.
With my unconditional love and guidance as a mother, Whitney went from a young child who felt she was a loser, unworthy of love, etc to being a very self-confident young lady who know believes she can accomplished anything she can. Whitney was so proud to have me as her mother she petitioned the courts to allow me to adopt her. State of West Virginia granted her wish. I am now mother listed on her birth certificate.
Feelings of betrayal? Well, since moving out of state in a covert-operation style, she has been back in the state on at least three occasions but has yet to come see us. We don't hear from her unless she needs assistance with a tech issue. We get one line text messages. We haven't seen any pictures of her since she left unless we go "stalking" other people pages to find pictures. She was in for her 21st birthday which is something we have always talked about doing together as we did with Brian when he turned 21. Nope, she spent it with the mother who drugged her through hell and then some and not a word to us when she was here.
Since we missed out on the 21st birthday. I doubt we will be a part of the wedding planning since she is supposedly engaged now. All these occasions she happily talked about doing with me/us is now being done by the one person who didn't care when it mattered the most. I feel as though I am no longer important as I once was. I am not longer the one she confides in.
I guess since I feel like I am down as far as I can go. It can only get better from here. I will just take it one day at a time.
